what other guy loves you like that?

so i was on my way to work a couple months ago and heard this song play.  i had no idea who was singing until the announcer, well, announced it.
now, i am not a fan of leonard cohen's singing voice, but i have always been a fan of his poetry.  in fact, one of my all time favourite collections is called 15 canadian poets x 2.  i used to have a copy of it, from a school course, but somewhere along the way got rid of it, among other treasures, and will eventually buy another copy.
so it shouldn't really surprise me that this song, by leonard's son adam, captured my attention.
the lyrics are sublime

and, of course, i have already learned to play my own version of it on the guitar

enjoy

40

well, so far, having turned 40 has made absolutely no difference in my life other than the fact that I can now officially say I am 40 when asked my age.

yes, people ask me how old I am all.the.time.

yes, I have been saying 40 for a long time, too.  I figured I might as well get used to the number.

but, no ... nothing has changed.

I still stayed up too late last night, subsequently slept in this morning, gave myself a pretty bad hair-do, took my oatmeal with me ... still in a bowl ... to work, to eat, along with hot chocolate ... for breakfast then spilled roasted red pepper soup on my new white button down at lunch.
it stained
it made me cranky
so I ate a cupcake

the only thing that really made me think about my age today happened during a therapy session.

the task, in particular, was for me to say a series of numbers that the client repeats, then plays on my mini glockenspiel.  the tunes are simple, like mary had a little lamb and doe a dear ... but this client didn't know any of the good ole songs

I challenged him on it.  like, you're kidding me that you don't recognize any of these, right? cause I learned these back in school!  that's when he said it:

well, you're old, mrs. campbell

39 steps

well, honestly, that's just about what it felt like!

i converted to dynamic views back in october and it has given me grief ever since.  i seriously hope that by the time everyone 'has' to switch, they have figured some stuff out.  i mean, i have been busy with life and all but it isn't like i didn't try to post.

i just.plain.couldn't.

nope.  took me almost an hour tonight just to find a way to sign in ... which was through a google search asking why my blog was busted, basically.

so, here i am again, ironically during national blog posting month, with exactly three posts to date.

awesome.

in other news, i did something completely out of character for me ... i purchased a pre-lit christmas tree, assembled it and decorated it.
i usually make myself wait until the weekend after my birthday
and i would have normally scoffed at a fake, pre-lit tree
but after experiencing it, i'd have to say i'm almost converted

and it looks pretty snazzy

and if i could figure out how to sync my iphone pictures to this new laptop, i'd even show you

remembering

this is the first time i have lived in a place where remembrance day is actually a holiday.  i must confess i am a little baffled by it.  for so many years i wondered what the point of a "week" of sort of remembering was, especially to kids.  the war seems so far removed from most of our daily lives, especially, perhaps, as canadians.  i do have a handful of friends who have relatives that served just recently, but a handful is all i know.  my uncle had a uniform from the canadian air force, but i am pretty sure i remember mom saying that he didn't get to serve much because his eyesight was considered to be too poor.

i used to put that uniform on
the hat was my favourite part
the thing i remember the most about it was how incredibly itchy the material was, and it made me wonder how anyone could stand it
but maybe that was partly the point ... that constant reminder ... a continual small pain ... just enough to make you want to do something about it

i did not attend any ceremonies or services today.  i don't usually.  but i am listening to a beautiful remembrance day edition of tempo on cbc and i am finding myself incredibly moved by symphony of sorrowful songs by henryk gorecki.  i had no idea that notes could get that low and that under my skin

remembering

almost there

i'm not attempting to squeeze in "40 things to do before 40" or any kind of bucket list here (i only think i know what that is.  haven't seen the movie, or read the book, whatever format it comes in) but i am getting comfortable in my own skin, finally.

i've been finding opportunities to express myself in ways i was never able to before moving here

and i'm listening to the nudging that, oddly enough, comes from inside my own noggin.
sometimes it seeps out, warmly and pleasantly, from the throat of a trusted friend.

it often sounds something like i no longer feel compelled to apologize for who i am and what i choose to do with my life, especially when those things are such a part of me that at this stage of the game, they can no longer be ignored.  and i am not interested in changing those things that might make you squirm, or question or even prod you to sit me down so you can have a "chat" with me.

nope.

i definitely wasn't raised that way.  i know where i come from and who made me and this is all part of it.

this is my life.
this is me exhaling.

see what I've been up to