I was caught, almost instantly, by the title of the post from The Common Room ... Share Your Passions.
For anyone who knows me at all, I think one adjective that could fairly adequately sum me up, warts and all, would be the word passionate. I think from my heart, not always my head. I can seldom stick to one thing for an entire day ( my oldest just asked me what was important for today, specifically, and I could not answer him because I was trying to do three things at the same time ). I can think globally pretty well, but don't ask me how what I do or say will impact me for the future ... I just "think" and "do" a lot of the time. Spun? maybe. Sanguine? a little. Melancholy? more so.
I do know that I sat down some time ago and re-evaluated my life. Wow ... I sure do pack a lot in. that can be ok, but what stuck out to me was how much I had been complaining about having to work "another Saturday" at my part-time- because I only have two kids that are getting older- so I must need to do something other than stay only at home -because I did go to University so I have obligations to society -and I like to order pizza out sometimes- even though my family prefers my whole-wheat homemade- job. It was one of those clear -brained moments when I could see so easily how all the other aspects of my life were fitting together, and my outside job was sticking out like a sore thumb.
Like sitting on a deck in the Muskoka's on a bright, warm, summer day staring out at the lake, sipping cool lemonade and knowing you are just where you need to be at that particular moment in time.
There is nothing wrong with outside work ... if that is indeed what Father is asking you to be doing. but, when I looked at MY life, I saw chaos and disappointment, resentment and bitterness, tiredness and drudgery. That is not from God ... that is from me.
so, I handed in my letter of resignation. Funny thing, too, while I was writing it, I was reminded of the study guide I had begun to write last summer and had to put aside for my "other" job that paid. So ... I went to the Library yesterday and got the book out again, and will begin to feed my soul and spirit with the creative thoughts the Father brings to mind as I attempt to worship Him through my writing.
I love the way I felt reading a quote from the post I mentioned earlier ...
Look at who you are, who your other family members are, your collective strengths and weaknesses, your interests, and your circumstances- and share your passions and hobbies. The homemaking of a mother with a bent toward literature and music will look different than that of the mother with an interest in organic gardening and math, which will be different to the mother with a background in computers, which will be different to the homemaking of the mother who loves crafting and finds poetry boring.
if you are a piano player who feels guilty about taking time to play the piano at home, then I suspect that there is an underlying false assumption about what it means to be *"home". If you have a passion for writing but feel guilty when you take time to write, likewise. If you feel guilty about sitting down to read a book, maybe you need to reevaluate those standards. If you love to sketch, but think it's selfish to take time to do that, then I suspect you, too, have a mistaken idea of what we are called to do.
Our family members have a right to know who we are as people. Share your passions with your children, and allow them to share their passions with you.
* I changed "the homemaker" to simply read "home", as it encapsulated all I was musing and mulling over much more entirely.
as a side note, last night while I was at a rehearsal for the Community theatre group I am a member of, a friend of ours called to ask if I would bring my guitar and not only sing, but also play. It was such a confirmation to me of who I am in Christ, and my role in the body. I had been previously asked to come to this evening of art and worship, and willingly said "yes" ... the offer to sing and play only made it sweeter. In 2 Corinthians 8:12, we read " For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have."
This applies to every area of my life, especially my homeschooling. I am willing to "sacrifice" my Degree to stay at home and teach my children whatever it is I feel the Lord is directing me to. This is surprisingly easy. I am willing to make more homemade foods, not only because they taste fantastic ( see my best friends blog, bestsister and stay a while ) but because I know that I have a responsibility as a parent to give my children the best health that I know how. I also need to know what my calling is because Father tells me to bring the best of the firstfruits of your soul to the house of the Lord your God . 2Cor 8:26. If I believe that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, then I need to nourish all aspects of it, and teach my children to do the same ... body, mind and spirit.
My children know me. They know what I am passionate about. When I asked them, this is what they listed: them, music, God, organization ( this one always makes me laugh ), art, their Dad and my friends. Selling bread and cigarettes just wasn't something that stirred my soul ... and that's ok ...
"this journey is my own"