child-proof?

Well, you have heard it said before that the teacher is not greater than the student. Yesterday my husband and I lived it.

I picked up my prescriptions to help me in my battle against this nasty sinusitus. Two sprays of a good old steroid in each nostril in the morning ... don't tip your head back or you taste the supposedly tastless stuff. Don't blow your nose for 15 minutes ... instead, look like a toddler while the mess runs clear down your chin ( and you catch a slight taste of the supposedly tasteless stuff ). Don't SNIFF!!! ... just breathe normally as you spray. If I could breathe normally, would I need steroids? It definitely cleared my nose ... made it run like crazy! Just ask any Olympian sprinter, my husband suggested ... they'll tell you that's what steroids are for.

Have I mentioned the horse pills yet? Yeah ... 1000mg a day and I'm barely over 119 lbs. So far the vertigo has moved over for mild dizziness, nausea and a funny taste in my mouth. It might smell funny too, because I noticed my youngest moving farther and farther back in his seat when I bent over to try and explain how to change percents into decimals. I think he was being kind. Maybe it's not the drugs causing my head to feel spacey after all ... maybe it's the math. Just ask any 10 year old ... he'll tell you that's all math is good for.

The irony of it all came when I attempted to open the medicine at the dinner table last night. I have a degree in English, so I didn't worry too much about reading the directions ... press down with palm of hand and turn left. Ok, should be simple enough ... look at that ... there's even a picture of an arrow pointing all the visual people out there in the right direction. Amazing. This won't take long ... hey ... It's not working. I know I'm sick, but I'm not completely inept. Here ... Neal ... you try. I must not be strong enough. Uhhh ... ( husband looks at bottle upon second try to make sure he read the same instructions I did. He loves me, but he knows I only read what I think I need to ... third attempt ... third failure ).

Child finally takes his nose out of his book to see his poor, pathetic, weak parents struggling with a prescription bottle and says: " Mom, Mom, Mom ... that's not how you do it. Here, watch me " and the two intellegent, educated, loving, strong ( very strong, really ) parents gaze at the fruit of their loins as he effortlessly uncaps the bottle and hands it back to his stunned Mother. " Ok, now ... put the lid back on and let me watch you do it." Do I bother to say I couldn't .... again?

" That's ok, Mom ... watch me again more closely this time. You'll get it . Ok ... slowly, slowly ... push just a little ... Yeah! You did it! "

Yep. I did it. I got the cap off the prescription bottle labelled " child-proof cap ". And I am proud to say that, since we happily homeschool, I have my personal assistant right beside me ... 24/7 ... ready for the next dose of wisdom as soon as I'm ready.