first of all, do you have any idea how immensely bright a computer screen is at almost 5am when you have had insomnia all night?
One good thing about insomnia is that it leaves you with large pockets of thinking time. Tonight, instead of sleeping, I made a discovery about myself; I am not relational.
barely at all.
see, I always thought I was, in a big way, but now I see the ruse. It wasn't until we started getting seriously ready to go overseas that I saw myself for who I really am. I am task oriented and have always made fun of other task oriented people along the way. Being task oriented helps explain what makes me an artist, too. Artists, musicians and writers love to hole themselves up, creating and ignoring the fact that they have tasks to complete like eating, bathing or even using the washroom. I have been this way countless times. I do love to be relational on my own terms, however. Examples:
1. I have already completed an immense number of tasks and simply need a break,ergo, I go relational.
2. I do not like the task I am supposed to be completing and choose to be relational instead. This is easy. I call b and go over for tea. She usually has the same task as me to complete and it is not difficult to twist her arm. Neither of us verbalizes our escape technique, we simply act it out.
So, here I am, shortly after 5 am, not having slept much at all this night wondering why I am so eager to be awake and making another realization about myself ... right now I have horrible breath.